MATILDA and ESCAPOLOGIST I'll come back later, then. Is a miracle! I've got a plane to catch at three. No, not there! Mr. Wormwood: MRS WORMWOOD You can't. MR WORMWOOD But I . Well, I'd better hang around just in case. The group sets off party poppers down the line. Crush that little weasel! Here's what I think of your lovely [He starts pulling at the book as though to tear it apart.]. Lost your appetite? Good show. Calculate this! queens! MISS TRUNCHBULL CHILDREN 2 Watch as her eyes light up and her smile turn into an impressed grin. If I were a cat I'd spend all 9 lives with you. And right now, we are eating dinner and watching TV! Why would she want some snotty, disobedient kid? What on earth did you do that for? AAAIIGHHH! She'll call a truce, Bruce. Once Agatha Trunchbull decides you're guilty, you're , BIG KID [TAMIKA] Ever since the day doc chopped the umbilical cord, Oh, no, no, no, no, no. But if I try I can remember, Go fig-ueur! If you sit around and let them get on top, you I have all these extra. And that's not right. I shall consign you to the seventh circle of hell, child. MRS PHELPS MISS HONEY The apple never rots far from the tree! MATILDA hides the glue behind her back as MR WORMWOOD enters. Not a detail of my throw was adjusted or forgotten. I don't believe Matilda's that kind of child at all. It was like the entire world had gathered to see The Burning Woman, Hurling Through the Air, with Dynamite in Her Hair, Over Sharks and Spiky Objects, Caught By the Man Locked in a Cage. Look at him go! MISS HONEY enters and turns away in shock. From the grunt I had practiced for many a month? Every new life . You don't use sympathy or tenderness. It was like the entire world went silent for that burp to exist. You're not a little girl. [sometimes, to be in time with the music: Well? Not dressed in hospital cotton, Creep on back to that library of yours or something. Oh, right. MR WORMWOOD MISS HONEY If I give the crowd their money back, where is my profit?! Don't tell me. MATILDA gazes at their dramatic display non-chalantly and holds out a palm to them. MISS HONEY knocks three times and winces. MATILDA No one's gonna love you if you don't know the rumba. Loud, loud, loud, loud! Agatha Trunchbull: BIG KID [BEN] Just go up and introduce yourself. It's Miss Honey. I should be wearing in the semi-finals tonight! Jenny: Get up, get up, get out of here, give me that book. He stands up on a block. Don't just stand there like a wet tissue. MRS WORMWOOD puts a number on RUDOLPHO's back as though they are competing in a dancing competition. MISS TRUNCHBULL Keep out of reach of children. That I'm as tiny and as shiny as a mirror ball. Like hell! You show the little brat! "We have everything that the world has to offer," said the wife. Tess of the D'urbervilles . This living 'ell. Hmm. AMANDA stands up and screams in triumph. MISS TRUNCHBULL BRUCE He should have thought of that before he made a pact with Satan and decided to steal my cake! Harry Wormwood: DOCTOR Look. Yes. MRS PHELPS retreats to the smaller block and sits down. Well, you got a light. Ah-ah-aah-ah . Five times two is ten. Mrs. C, Mrs. U, Mrs. L-T-Y! [realizes the Trunchbull is Miss Honey's aunt], [Matilda and Miss Honey walk past the Trunchbull's house]. Do you think you could tell me what two times twenty-eight is? No, sir. I have the adoption papers. Rules? But Matilda can calculate complicated figures in her head in an instant! She uses them to carry on a conversation. COUPLE 3 MISS HONEY Matilda: With your stupid books and your stupid reading. Agatha Trunchbull: Auuurrrgh! My daddy says I'm his special little soldier. Harry Wormwood: In all of Hooterville, where there's Hooters supreme, yours are the best of the Hooters I've seen. Imagine what she is going to do to a horrible, squeaky little goblin like you, boy. They say it's a cupboard in her office that she throws children into. One should avoid confrontation when possible. And I never understood you, not one little bit Who's got a pen? Hm? [whacks the desk again with her riding crop]. The novel has an inspirational message that everyone can stand up for themselves against bullies like Matilda does against Mrs. Trunchbull. The DOCTOR and the CHILDREN sing into their stethoscopes. Agatha Trunchbull: Or maybe your largeness Great, big, question-asking . Harry Wormwood: I'm the best! <>>> We'll wait until she's gone, then we'll go get your doll. We never thought it was possible, I warn you, sir, I want a tight car, because I run a tight ship. BRUCE [He laughs then peters out.] Harry Wormwood: [She turns the screens back on.]. MR WORMWOOD, towel wrapped about his shoulder, enters the bathroom with MICHAEL. Harry Wormwood: Their sadness overwhelmed them, and drew them into ever more dangerous feats, as their work became the only place they could escape the inescapable tragedy of their lives! Refresh the page, check Medium 's site status, or. And instead of a musical fanfare, there was silence, as he solemnly strode into the room. [Matilda and Miss Honey arrive at Miss Honey's cottage]. <> . You don't need happiness or self-esteem. Of course they didn't believe me: I've got green hair! MISS HONEY You've made an awful error. MISS TRUNCHBULL and CHILDREN Now, that is how you do it! . Sit down. MATILDA holds her a dramatic pose, holding the large book above her head. You have to stay inside the circle all the time. CHILDREN 8. Who wants stories? "So I hear you are the Head Girl of your house". Miss Honey: . A fool? [Matilda comes home from school, excitedly. Or just a coincidence? Or if the scream in your head even reached your mouth! . [She grabs a baton with a yellow ribbon attached to it and starts twirling to the music.] Harry Wormwood: You should be embarrassed. School is really fun, according to my mum. Two times . [mimicking Amanda with a high-pitched tone] If I let this little girl fall? You're just wasting energy, [throwing marshmallows as Matilda was grabbing the book that was thrown] [Harry has ordered out of the house the FBI agents, whom Zinnia had just been talking to]. One second, Dad. And expensive, $9.25 for a bar of soap? I told you that was a cheap set. The CHILDREN, save BRUCE, but including MISS HONEY, hide under the desks. So she's learned a few tricks. The guy with the stupid haircut! Jack and Jill went up the hill All I can say is, thank heavens Michael has inherited his old man's brains, eh, son? You have to put it right . The school bell rings and all the children march out. Oh no, Headmistress. Not the end of your nose. MRS PHELPS Maryn Liles Feb 17, 2023 It's no lie that online dating. Dad says I should watch more TV. FBI Agent Bob: I'm afraid I've not been too successful in getting others to recognize your . A little less zzz, a lot more zing. And so it was, they decided to perform the most dangerous feat ever known to man! MISS HONEY MAN: We'll have to change his school. [She presses an intercom on her desk.] Agatha Trunchbull: I sold it for $999. MISS TRUNCHBULL I want you around here now with another car! All right. Sell me a lemon? cancelled! What do I have to do to gain respect around here? MISS HONEY exits off the front of the stage. Everything was arranged by [She pulls her coat over her head to simulate a hunchback, and grabs a large book.] Special guest towards the end. Just knock on the door. Matilda? Does that mean I can get that new TV? Are you being smart with me? It's just a door. Miss Honey: They're individual! . Harry Wormwood: Oh, er, hello. LAVENDER MR WORMWOODLook what I've just found! This calls for a proper smoke. MRS WORMWOOD MISS TRUNCHBULL MRS PHELPS Corny, sweet, and funny all in one. The biggest burp I had ever heard about! Oh, Matilda, this is very sad! Oh, my lovely hair! Before I first heard the pealing of the bell. MR WORMWOOD That I treated the rules with casual disdain? You gotta be loud! BIG KIDS enter menacingly behind the gate. I'm gonna give you a tanning like you never had in your life! That's not right. A girl should think about make-up and hair dye. BIG KIDS and CHILDREN run off. From offstage, MISS TRUNCHBULL blows on her whistle. . The time has come to put that tumbly-tum to use. Semi-Spanish gown These are the best hilarious pick up lines we've got, so if you can manage a decent delivery, you've got great odds you'll have her smirking, smiling, laughing, and eager to get closer. I am off to bleach my roots . How do you do this? What am doing here? But I didn't do anything. When I left my home, Aunt Trunchbull's home, I had to leave all my treasures behind. You're the only daughter I ever had, Matilda. No. I am trying to pull off the biggest business deal of my life and I have to listen to this. You missed it. Yes, I know what caveat emptor means, you lowlife liar! You see, unfortunately, Nigel suffers from the rare, but chronic sleep disorder, narcolepsy. A little less dressing like your mum. The sooner you're locked up in that school, the better. Are you ready to get STICKY with MICKEY? Whoa! BIG KIDS Okay, my boy, heir to the throne, today we diddle the customer. Knock on the door, Jenny. [He slides down on his thighs stage left.]. MRS WORMWOOD MR WORMWOOD . There's a place you are sent if you haven't been good. MATILDA He screams and turns around, hitting ERIC's cap against ERIC's desk. But my mummy likes them! Considerably roomier inside. Michael: You couldn't spell "difficulty" if your life depended on it. This child doesn't have a "thingie" . A NURSE is holding a baby, which cries. If you took your time , CHILDREN She puts it down on the desk behind BRUCE. "Lovely"? [speaking to Matilda about her and her father] [He pulls the towel over his head and starts massaging vigorously]. She laughs. The scene switches to the Wormwood's living room. CHILDREN and COUPLES arrange themselves behind it. Yes. I mean . A long table with the word "Birthday" emblazoned on it moves forward, with little hands creeping along the bottom. Bunch of hippies and cesspool salesmen, ha ha ha ha Jenny: FBI Agent Bob: MR WORMWOOD paces the stage. Platinum blonde hair dye. A DOCTOR enters. [She re-enters her bedroom and jumps onto the bed.] And that's not a hint, by the way. Ah-ah-aah-ah I can be a soldier. [She exits down the steps and stops behind the first portion of the audience.] We can have our cake and it it too! I wonder what Miss Trunchbull is afraid of. Michael: . It's not trash, Daddy, it's lovely. Agatha Trunchbull: What's what, Ms. Trunchbull? . MRS WORMWOOD and MICHAEL down sit in armchairs. A denizen of the underworld! You liked my cake, didn't you, Bruce? MR WORMWOOD But time is the one thing no one is master of. An audience cheers. But I didn't . a contract. Just you wait for phys-ed! No, but don't people need good cars? And my very favorite is a spoonful of Nutella. Oh, yes. An extraordinary girl with a sharp mind and a vivid imagination takes a daring stand to change her story with miraculous results. MISS TRUNCHBULL Good morning, children! Michael chokes the carrot, while putting baby Matilda in the sink to rinse away spinach, Miss Honey briefly nods yes as she leaves to rescue Matilda from the Chokey, Harry walks down to the kitchen, unaware that his hair has just turned an unhealthy platinum blonde, Michael's mouth drops open in shock upon seeing Harry's hair, walks into the dining room and looks in the mirror, throwing marshmallows as Matilda was grabbing the book that was thrown, the Trunchbull's car, sold to her by Harry Wormwood, has broken down, forcing her to haul it all the way back to her house, Matilda and Miss Honey arrive at Miss Honey's cottage, realizes the Trunchbull is Miss Honey's aunt, Matilda and Miss Honey walk past the Trunchbull's house, as the TV explodes, due to Matilda's powers, looks at Miss Honey and warning the children they were watching us, after smashing the entire cake platter over Bruce Bogtrotter's head, causing the children to stop cheering. Twelve times two is twenty-four. LAVENDER Agatha Trunchbull: Well done, Bogtrotter. Secrets. Have to admit CHILDREN Agatha Trunchbull: Okay! Agatha Trunchbull: They are all dressed in costume: Eric as Batman, Tommy as the . Mr. Wormwood: . I've got my deal today with the Russians. [to MISS HONEY] You don't! Jenny: 3. Chew your food; you're an animal! . So go and put some highlights in your hair. I wonder why they didn't just change their story. MISS HONEY enters and erases the board. He bites the cap, screaming through his teeth. My skin looks just revolting in this foul, fluorescent light. So they say. Then your mummy is a twit! You're getting on a plane, Mrs Wormwood? Yes, sir. They dance to the same routine until MRS WORMWOOD and RUDOLPHO overtake them with more complicated choreography. They were written that way: "Right"? Harry Wormwood: 2. MRS WORMWOOD has her leg raised up and RUDOLPHO is holding it against his back. Matilda: MATILDA Matilda: I'll be watching you, each and every one. //-->. 'Twas written in the stars before they even met. Would you like some milk? It's the female minor. This must confirm, Bruce, I've been trapped inside this (K) cage for ages, My mummy says I'm a miracle. What? Matilda: And today is a very special day: your first day of school! Well, here I am. You can read words. Students: in my opinion, this little girl should be placed in the top form with the eleven-year-olds! You shall be . If they start to squeeeeze out of your ears, you're going to need help. But even you, Bruce, Now, can anyone read this? With every swallow, you are tightening the noose. MISS HONEY[placatingly] Miss Trunchbull. MRS WORMWOOD Pp6Q &_!Ekp?$w_AG[nU6v^^Wo:9o>:. I don't want green hair. And, while you're at it, why don't you stick your stupid book to your stupid head? Harry Wormwood: No one is as bold or tough as me. No one's gonna tell you when to wiggle your bumba. [to MATILDA] This is your fault. The scene unfreezes. Matilda: You gotta get up and be loud! An unhatched tadpole. Good-bye, Mrs Phelps. Is it time for school yet, mum? Son, one day, you're gonna have to earn your own living. That is the biggest hug in the world. Fifteen times two is thirty. MR WORMWOOD You're a little cheat, you saw the paper. MR WORMWOODOh, my good Lord. But there was no sign of the Acrobat, and no glimpse at all of her shiny white scarf. . MR WORMWOOD "There's more than one Whomping Willow at Hogwarts, you know.". I can see ACROBAT and ESCAPOLOGIST [off-stage] Your old man is going to work. Well, a man is entitled to come home and find dinner on the table, without having to wait for a convention of male strippers! Look at these trophies. "Time is on our side. Did we sell some cars today, honeydew? I broke your arm once before; I can do it again, Jenny. I have suffered in this Jail, I'm the best! 6. Isn't there something you can do? She's got no respect, that one. ESCAPOLOGIST [off-stage] Won't change a thing. Yes, wonderful. They are all dressed in costume: Eric as Batman, Tommy as the Incredible Hulk, Lavender as a Princess, Nigel as Spiderman, Bruce in army gear, Amanda as Superwoman, Alice as Wonder Woman, Hortensia as a queen. Harry Wormwood: We're told we have to do what we're told, but surely, The world's greatest acrobat! Between you and it, What? RUDOLPHO whips off MRS WORMWOOD's skirt to reveal a shorter skirt made of tassels beneath it. Cancelled, because my wife is . Dip face! Do we want to do something that rhymes with "truck"? Roald Dahl's Matilda The Musical. Now, get out of here, you little stink worm! My idea of a perfect school is one in which there are no children at all. Harry Wormwood: Two, three, four! . No kid likes being yelled at. xYoH)SSY w:!>8615Nqrf Ukg73y,=zr%|X*p ao{~~O{Hp '|\|WOKk%eMJ|lKi@w+g#ZIW0uCAp`i NIGEL Harry Wormwood: [to MICHAEL] Get up, boy. . See more ideas about matilda quotes, matilda, quotes. If you sit around and let them get on top, you Cute pick-up lines can help you get past the awkwardness of meeting someone for the first time. . For each correct answer, they'll move one step closer to our Cube of Cash. Looks are more important than books. Nine times two is eighteen. MATILDA The children begin to pop up from behind the table and speak. They line up at the back of the stage. . You seem to think that people like people what are clever. Harry Wormwood: MATILDA BIG KIDS A spotlight makes its way across the letters on the board, finally settling at the end on the letter Z. It gives me a warm glow in my lower intestine. Connections CHILDREN so our main focus is on cute pickup lines, funny pick up lines, cheesy pick up lines, corny pickup lines, clever pickup lines, bad pick up lines, worst pick up lines, sweet pickup lines, and this list is . I ate the lot! Can you service me? You two men are going to be in a lot of trouble very soon. MRS WORMWOOD Nicholas Nickleby . We must find out how it ends. Each newborn life a canvas yet unpainted, Even if you're little, you can do a lot. The CHILDREN and BIG KIDS hang their heads. Mr. Wormwood. Behind MR WORMWOOD and MATILDA, the scene changes from a living room to MATILDA's bedroom. BIG KIDS approach and start climbing onto the gate and grabbing the CHILDREN from behind it. NIGEL leans forward in concentration and groans in agony several times. If anything, caution in these situations is sensible. So, erm . Miracle! . Well, I needed to learn to read words so that I could read sentences. Stop scaring your mother with that book, boy. Over the course of the song, she writes on the board: "Copy one million times by tomorrow. MISS TRUNCHBULL walks heavily toward the coats. . At night, they listened to the silence of their big, empty house, and they would imagine how beautiful it would be if it was filled with the sound of a child playing. Matilda: [to the phone] I'm gonna call you straight back. and look at reading. Stand back, son! Where did you get those? You can break them out whenever there is a lull in conversation with your friends or whenever you want to break the ice with someone new. . ], [She turns and walks back to her desk. She stops in triumph. This means that pick-up lines are all about first impressions. Don't be pathetic! I need a car, inexpensive but reliable. The announcer from MISS TRUNCHBULL's videos starts commentating. MATILDA opens a cupboard at the front of the stage. You're heading for the chokey, young lady! MATILDA And . MISS TRUNCHBULL If you want to throw the hammer for your country. ACROBAT [off-stage] Now sit up and look at the TV. Miracle! MATILDA CHILDREN 1 There's nothing to fear. Is there still time for the Bi-Annual Inter-Championship Amateur Sausage . MATILDA And that's not right! Thought you'd pay me back, didn't you? He's eaten it all. And so you think you're able Agatha Trunchbull: [He laughs.] Look at you trying to hide, silly. Where are you going? MATILDA MRS WORMWOOD . The seed of a war in the creak of a floorboard. [He takes out a cigar and takes hold of the baby.] The reason the mileage is so high is a manufacturing mistake.". Ev-er-y life is unbelievably unlikely. NIGEL Wormwood! Am I wrong? We give the Whisper Challenge a shot with a little spin on it. . MATILDA collects her books. You might as well be saying you think that it's okay, MRS PHELPS For those idiots out there who don't know how to play, here's how it goes. It's from the library! . They were left out there for the whole world to see because you weren't here to take 'em in! Miss Honey, please don't let them Harry Wormwood: You slithered like a serpent into the school kitchen and ate MY PERSONAL SNACK! . School? MISS TRUNCHBULL hurries over to AMANDA. BIG KIDS and CHILDREN Dinner time is family time. [turns to Michael] [She holds her hand out to MATILDA, who takes it.] [to his partner] I wish my pillow was as huggable as you. FBI Agent Bob: It's not a cheap set, it's a stolen set! Agatha Trunchbull: Look, is this gonna take much longer, doctor? It's been clear there's no peer for a miracle like me. [after smashing the entire cake platter over Bruce Bogtrotter's head, causing the children to stop cheering] Aaaargh! Conclusion - Best Pick Up Lines. I'll tell you when you are full. MISS HONEY, BIG KIDS, and CHILDREN I mean, my mum wanted me to stay at home with her. I'm fed up with all this reading! Fortunately, almost everything in Christianity is sin. AMANDA What you know matters less A brand new human being! Oh, cook . The couples and the children overlap the next two verses, as children split themselves among five couples and execute rote choreography. Her mind is incredible. [He brings out a load of cash and starts leafing through it.] Do you think I would allow myself to be defeated by these maggots, do you? Well, I suppose your mother will be waiting for you. You'll never again be subject to abuse for your immense caboose. [on the phone, yells] MR WORMWOOD exits while MATILDA runs into her bedroom, flings the door open, and climbs onto her bookshelf. I sold it for $1,158. I have my ion you. Do you think in that moment, when my big moment came, MISS TRUNCHBULL grimaces as the purple spotlight leaves her. With powers, the carrot flies into his mouth. MATILDA [looking at a portrait of her father] Jul 25, - Barney Stinson's Harry Potter pick up lines. You're a Wormwood, you start acting like one! . Harry Wormwood: Miss Honey: The kind with food and teeny-weeny cockroaches. MISS HONEY exits behind the stacks as the library scene rolls in.
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